Bing lacks bling

Steve’s TechBlog is back following a hiatus brought about by a relocation from Florida to the southern hemisphere; Three Lions Technologies‘ southern headquarters is now operational in Auckland, at the pointy end of New Zealand, and I find myself rethinking much of what I have, heretofore, taken for granted in the north.

I’ve been playing around with Bing. No, i’ve not been rehearsing White Christmas, even though it’s cold enough down here lately for a good, solid snowfall to feel quite likely. No, I’ve been taking a look at Microsoft’s latest slightly embarrassing attempt at catch-up.

I’m usually a charitable kind of chap, but when it comes to Microsoft all semblance of charity pretty much goes up the chimney with the flames of the quite magnificent wood fire that’s heating Three Lions’ southern HQ. This is the company, after all, that inflicted an animated paper clip on the world, and the world still hasn’t quite forgiven it. This is, after all, the company which has built a hegemony that would put the Roman Empire at its most hegemonous to shame, on the basis not that its products are actually any bloody good, but that they’re inescapable. Microsoft’s logic, were we back in the middle ages, would be comparable to people trying to persuade their mates to catch bubonic plague simply because everyone else had it.

But things are starting to change, and the change is most clearly illustrated by the iPod and Microsoft’s supposed iPod killer, the Zune. (As an aside, one of the great failings of plain text is that it’s pretty much impossible to convey the contempt, the derision, the utter scorn, that I usually manage to put into my pronunciation of the word Zune. Simple ASCII code cannot, just cannot, do justice to the Zooooon.) Microsoft were, clearly, gutted when they realised that someone else — not just anyone, but Apple, of all people — had not only managed to completely own a market, but had, in fact, first of all defined that market, then taken total control of it. Innovation, as we’re all no doubt aware, isn’t Microsoft’s strongest suit; instead of trying, then, to define their own new market, they introduced a “rival” (as though it came even close) to the iPod.

I’ve seen a Zune. One. It was on the plane that took me from Los Angeles to Auckland in April. I suspect that its owner had been kicked out of the US. I also suspect that, as soon as NZ customs found it, they destroyed it on the spot. Well, you would, wouldn’t you? The Zune has failed, woefully and extensively, even to disturb the sleep of the iPod’s creators.

And now we see Microsoft trying to do the same thing with The Google. Once again, a Silicon Valley company have defined, and then owned, a market. And, once again, Microsoft are mightily pissed off about it. But, rather than actually trying to do something new, they are, once again, playing Johnny Come Very, Very Lately. The Google own the search market. To Google has become a very, very widespread verb. I simply don’t see to Bing catching on. I’ve looked around, I’ve played with it, but I really don’t see Bing bringing anything new to the search-engine table.

Others have tried. Recently. Wolfram Alpha, the much-vaunted intelligent search engine, failed quite extensively to do any real damage to The Google’s stranglehold on the search market. I’m sure it will, in its maturity, come to have a small but very clearly defined user base who will relish its cross-referencing splendidness. But even The Google have failed to expand on the simplicity of the Google Search Experience. Google Squared, their latest attempt to move beyond themselves, has yet to set the public’s imagination aflame. And if even The Google can’t improve on Google, why would Microsoft?

Let’s face it — Bing is the new Zune.